The world as Kate Taylor encounters it, Views it, hears it, fears it, and loves it. As Jean Paul Sartre stated, “Hell is other people”. The proof of the pudding is in the eating. I decided that I would chart my recovery, plus that of the world around me, and our readership. Let’s see what we find!
This is a time of fresh starts for me. I have been on a journey, and it continues ad infinitum. That journey can be a lonely battle at times and as I sit here alone late at night, I admit, I am lonely. Very lonely. That is a very vulnerable thing to admit at times but I’m sure it echoes and resounds, the intimacy of it often unspoken but I find what helps is sharing and writing. The inspirational words by Anne Frank, in her famous quote as she hid from the Nazis, says it more eloquently than I could say. “I can shake off everything as I write, my sorrows disappear, my courage is reborn”.
I am a writer and I find catharsis as my words hit the page. I have just left hospital after four months of recovery for an episode of my mental health condition, and the hard part is now. Getting back into life, into the world. I would like to share that journey with you in a regular column. I chose the title, a quote often attributed to Freda Kahlo, to show the strength we harbour even when it may appear the opposite. This holds even more strength due to the recent International Women’s Day.
I also want to show the concurrent growth in I am Hip Hop magazine and try to engage more people on a personal level. They have touched my life and I want to illustrate the healative power of music and connectivity. I came across the magazine by chance, I can’t really even remember my introduction, but it has been a beautiful inclusion in my life.
I remember laughing once because Rishma shared experiences and where people react with shock that an Indian woman was editing a Hip Hop magazine. The same applies to me. The reaction I get when I say I write for a Hip Hop magazine being a Jewish girl from North London is usually one of bemusement and shock.
But these assumptions, when we truly think about it, go against the grain about what Hip Hop was conceived about in the first place. Hip Hop was seen as a social movement to give a voice to the voiceless and also break down barriers regarding stereotypes and social structures. I love all music. And I think that the music I love all has a place here no matter what genre because it is about opening up to different voices and airing ideas which otherwise would not be heard, be it on a bigger scale, politically or on a smaller levels just expressing emotions.
I am Hip Hop magazine has helped me in so many ways. My mental health has improved so much just through the confidence that seeing your work published and the raw truth I have sometimes shared being accepted rather than rejected.
As Oliver Sacks said “the mind has a greater capacity for music than words alone”. I wish to share the soundtrack to my recovery, my journey, my observations that say more about writing in just a few minutes. So the track at this moment that speaks aloud about my past struggles with addiction is by Colicchie Drug called Addiction. Raw, honest, brave. But it’s message shows that shame and the taboo around these issues by jumping feet first, it allows others to feel more safe in articulating simply that which both has blown me away and on a lesser level taught me daily knowledge that I never thought I’d find.
So this first column to me, admittedly I was so happy to have a structured role in this magazine and was quite excited but then the confidence dropped. I have written in the past but I was devastated to have to leave what I loved so much, my dream gone and I never worked again, not for 15 years. I am not money orientated. Music has quite simply saved my life, if there is no going back, for instance when my family split up I was different. I was so devastated yet I didn’t know how to express how I felt. Now through music, I am on a journey to find myself and that will be life long.
“And those who were seen dancing were considered insane by those who could not hear the music” (Friedrich Nietzsche).
I would love, via this, for other readers to send in comments on music that is touching them so we can engage more personally with our readership.
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