POETRY | WOULD I CHANGE IT? BY ALEX WODZIANSKI

By Guest Author • On Poetry

I am 39, head­ing towards 40, its time,
For some can­did poetry
Like many oth­ers before me
I have suffered mentally,
With the dia­gnos­is of bipolar,
There have been many highs and lows,
And strange and dif­fer­ent exper­i­ences too,
But I’m one of the lucky few,
For I am still here,
On this earth,
And appre­ci­ate Life’s worth.
Do not get me wrong,
It has not always been so,
For which my condition,
There have been huge lows,
And then utterly depressed,
I self harmed badly,
Put­ting my arm through a window,
As a res­ult a par­tially severed nerve,
The fant­ast­ic NHS,
Patched me up,
Using plastic surgery,
Leav­ing a scar,
Which provides a con­stant memory.
My fel­low sufferers,
I think would agree,
Men­tal health can cause,
Oth­er marks,
Which are invis­ible to the naked eye,
That at times can make one cry,
For there can be a lot of pain,
Emo­tion­al dis­tress coupled with strain.
How­ever I do not wish to be morose,
For also in my life,
There have been amaz­ing highs,
Of the nat­ur­al kind,
Provided by cer­tain accomplishments,
And achievements,
But also other’s caused,
By my men­tal condition,
Delu­sions of grandeur,
Para­noid thinking,
The list could go on,
Vivid dreaming.
I have been asked,
On more than one occasion,
If I could,
Would I change the fact,
I have a diagnosis,
My answer still,
Des­pite times of suffering,
Would be an emphat­ic no,
For the label is not defining,
Plus if I did,
I would not be the same person,
Or char­ac­ter that has come,
With maturation,
And wheth­er con­nec­ted or not,
Writ­ing seems to have,
Been a blessing,
That comes from somewhere,
Organically,
Helps me express my personality,
Or at least,
Offers glimpses into my history,
The verses I create,
Show how I feel in a snap­shot of time,
As well as being a cop­ing strategy.
I would say I have experienced,
Life’s spectrum,
Of mood states, exper­i­ences and emotions,
Plus met some real true people,
For when hospitalised,
There is no escaping,
Who one is,
The mul­ti­fa­ceted lay­ers exposed,
Reveal­ing one’s nat­ur­al soul,
For one can­not wear a mask,
That take each day as it comes,
With the people that sur­round one.
Though in soci­ety it can be hard,
For des­pite atti­tudes hav­ing changed,
There still seems to be a sense of shame.
What can I say?
Except we live each day,
Try to hold on to positivity,
No mat­ter how hard that may be,
Some­times sur­viv­ing is the key,
And when one can,
Live this life enthusiastically,
So we nev­er when our light,
Will be dimmed on this plane at least,
Eternally.

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Guest Author

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About Guest Author

I Am Hip-Hop magazine welcomes contributions from guest authors. If you would like to review an event, please get in touch! iamhiphopmagazine[at]gmail.com